by Scott Burton
As someone who's job is bringing humor
to those on every level of battling cancer,
I hear quite often from nurses, care givers
and fellow survivor's that they agree, "When
battling cancer, you simply have to have
a sense of humor." On some level they
are right. But to say you must have humor
to someone who doesn't feel comfortable making
jokes or to whom humor is a foreign concept
suggests they are doing something wrong.
It is, in some way, chastising them not doing
something they don't have or never occurred
to them. You might as well say, "To
face cancer properly, you really need to
have a really good set of spoons."
I believe the best way to communicate humor
is to help others recognize the humor they
do have.
We all can acknowledge that humor is a
gift. But, contrary to what many believe,
humor is not a gift in the sense of being
purely God-given. It is true that some people
have a greater penchant for expressing humor
than others, but it is a mistake to believe
that, because you don't exercise your sense
of humor constantly, you don't have one.
The truth is everyone has a sense of humor.
It's just that, like people themselves, humor
comes in all shapes and sizes. The trick
is knowing what kind of humor is right for
you.
In reality, the person who has a hard time
breaking a smile or seeing the lighter side
may be no more humor impaired than the person
who feels the need to make a joke at every
opportunity, regardless of who else finds
it funny. In both cases, neither is recognizing
that humor is a gift much better suited for
giving than receiving. If humor is used to
either draw attention to one's self or serve
as a challenge for others to crack your facade
and "make" you laugh, both are
viewing humor from the receiving end. Humor
from the giving end recognizes its purpose
to encourage the recipient to feel lighter,
to release, to accept the gift of laughter
(not for them to see how funny you are) and,
conversely, allow for another to shine -- "humoring" them
in a positive way as they communicate.
We, however, tend to look for something
more. It seems sometimes, the greatest stumbling
block to an average person expressing their
sense of humor is looking at someone like
Jerry Seinfeld or Red Skelton (depending
on your generation) and despairing, "I'll
never be that funny." And you're probably
right. You never will be. But should you?
Using humor as a gift recognizes that it's
okay -- you don't need to be. One angle is
using your humor to allow those "funnier" than
you to lighten your heart, especially during
a heavy battle such as cancer. The flip side
is for you to then let your humor touch the
hearts of others who see even less opportunity
than you to laugh, to help them feel comfortable.
It's a perfect circle.
Also, keep in mind, Jerry Seinfeld didn't
get to where he is solely by being funny.
There was hard work, direction and being
in the right place at the right time. For
all we know, Mr. Seinfeld is merely one or
two lucky breaks away from being that annoying
guy at the water cooler. "And what's
with the pointy bottoms on the cups? Did
this use to be a Sno-Cone stand?"
"Yes, Jerry. Very clever. We need
to go back to work now."
It's all relative. There is no absolute
standard. Everyone has a different sense
of humor.
Finding humor in life while facing cancer
is daunting enough. To not feel you have
humor then "need" it during this
time is truly formidable. So, coming from
someone who's embraced humor all his life
and through his cancer battle, I'd say we
all "need" to start at the beginning.
We "need" to see that the most
universal and accessible sense of humor is
nothing more than a ready smile.
Start with a smile and laughter won't be
far off. A smile is, in many ways, a building
block to all senses of humor. It is a gift
that opens the door of the heart and, whether
it is about humor or not, what greater feeling
is there than touching another's heart --
especially while facing cancer. A smile --
genuine humor -- is a potent tool for reaching
that deep. And, therein lies the delightful
paradox of humor; only when used it as a
gift does one reap its greatest reward. Medical
scientists can cite all sorts of technical
reasons why humor is important, but the simple
truth is, you use it because it makes you
feel good -- no matter what level of humor
you use.
Genuine humor works completely from the
inside out. It is a nebulous entity, changing
every time you use it. Humor is not a noun
- a given of any sort - that you can keep
in your pocket and take out to show at parties.
It is present in every little thing we do
and, to some degree, requires us to pay attention
in order to spot the opportunity to kindly
illuminate it for others.
The only constant, the only standard is,
whatever form it comes in, humor is contagious.
A smile begets a smile. A laugh begets a
laugh. The true gift of humor is that it
is a gift that keeps on giving. And it's
available to us all. __________________________________________________________
For more on how Scott used humor to deal
with his cancer
you can get his book,
"A
Life in the Balance"
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